Relativity new

SCRAPE ME CLEAN OF ALL IMPURITIES .

Thou shall no longer love you
Loving you is a SIN
A deadly sin
& it has taken me 2 years +
to realize that you are no good for me!

YOU ARE NOT GOOD FOR ME!

You have the ability to be something so GREAT
but if you can't realize that for yourself
than who am I to see it for you.

I wish I could say It is sad to see myself let you go
But it's not.
I am ready
& anxious
to explore this new side of me
the side whom no longer loves you.

Today is the last day I will blog about you
SPECIFICALLY

2010 YOUR OUT OF HERE
OUT OF MIND
OUT OF SIGHT
OUT OF ME

Love lives here
No more.

Purify me
Dismiss any of you from me
I am finally setting myself free from you

I blame myself too
Not for loving you
Because I don't regret it
I blame myself for getting so comfortable
& thinking you would do as you said
& "never do anything to hurt me"
BULLSHIT BITCH

YOU DID EVERYTHING TO HURT ME
& YOU SAY IT WAS NOT ON PURPOSE
BUT LOOK
LOOK
LOOK
what you've done

you probably still don't realize
2010 Needs to hurry up & come
so I can be off this
Im done.

New year

*SIGH*

As we approach the end of a year
& the beginning of another
I see this as the perfect chance to change.

Leave 2009 behind me
& all the drama
& people
Leave them all in 2009

Start off 2010 good
& strong
I think I can do it
but only time can tell.

So disrespectful

I think if she ever wanted to be with me again
she wouldn't be with the person she cheated on me with.

Is it me or is that some what disrespectful?

Just a blog?

Just a blog?

Just a blog?

These are NOT JUST BLOGS...

I express every ounce of emotion in my just blogs
& for you to refer to them as just blogs
made my heart sink.

Furthermore;
Some changes need to be made
Within myself.

1. Stop stressing over people who don't stress over me. (Yes, her)
2. Allow myself to let love in. I met the nicest boy, who likes me for who I am, I feel its real & I want to give him a fair chance, Im just afraid. I don't want to hurt him because I of all people knows what it feels like to be hurt.

The biggest one. Let go. Easy to say, yet nearly impossible to do.

Yup, just another blog... o_0

whoa

I just text you cause Im drunk
& I gotta secret, gotta update on you today
I know exactly how your life is going
I want better for you though
I wanna see you do good.

I will never truly be satisfied
FUCK YOU NOW
& FUCK YOU THEN
I DONT GIVE A FUCK
yes bitch this is the END
its OVER, OVERRR
i swear i hate you
i swear i do
all i wanna do is be with you.

you dumb bitch
why cant you see
i love you more than anyone
i wanna see you do good.
drinking, smoking?
thats you but thats not you
you know if you was with me
that woulda been cut
casue i care, i need you to live long for me
cause we wont see eachother for a long time
i love you i love you i love you
i told my boyfriend today that im still in love with my ex girlfriend
he said it be like that sometimes

nigga i be like this all the time
if only you knew
you dont have a chance
i will never love you
cause im in love with my ex
i will never trust you
i will never give you a good chance
because of my past
it is impossible for me to EVER love you,

im so sorry, it just be like that sometimes
baby boy............

Freewrite

I guess no relationship is perfect.
I heard you & your girlfriend having some drama.
Heard she fucking her ex mans again.

SMH. its wateva thou
you always knew how to make things better
so im sure you'll make it work.

im stuck in the single life.
not really tryna cuff nothing
although it seems like everyone wants me now.
boys girlss smh its too much to deal with

if only they knew the half of it
if only they knew the pain i deal with everyday
this bullshit needs to end.

some days i just wanna pull out the tings
& dun it

JC

haven't heard from you in months
shit its about to be a year.
I try reaching out to you any way I can
I ask my mom about you
I ask your mom about you
...whenever i see her.

I don't get how you don't miss me
like i miss you.
Heard your doing bad.
Messing up in school
Car accidents
Marijuana
Court & all types of wild shit.

Even though we haven't spoken in months
I want the best for you.
You was my brother & I was your sister.
We grew up together, I thought we was gunna
be around for each other forever.

Remember when we first met?
Lol i don't.
I remember when you tied me up against the pole
in the multipurpose area with a phone cord.
I remember playing gladiator in the library in the dark.
I remember the days you use to come over & we'd have so much fun.
You was my brother.

I don't know how we fell off.
My mom mentioned your name today
So many thoughts ran through my head.
Like why you hadn't been around
What if you was around
How would things be
All types of things...
But none of that matters because you don't think of me
like i think of you.

You will always be my little brother. x3

Christmas is almost here!

AHH im dumb excited for tomorrow and tonite
im feeling Christmasyy lol

Today was great so far!
I love my crazy ass family
Had to wake up early but we had fun
shopping, shopping and doing more shopping!

My father and I had a heart to heart
Made me realize a lot of things
That I just look past.
Life is short
Life is great
Experience it
& Learn from it.

*Whats meant to be will find its way
Until then you just missing out on an
AMAZINGGGG GIRLLL
yes thats me!!! =]
lol toodles

Fool

you shoulda never let no pussy get in between us
how foul was that?
we was destined to be something great
how is it that we ended up this way.

i don't want you reading my blogs anymore
cause then you'll know how i feel
this is just my way of getting things out
you know like an eternal scream.

im going well.
days like today when i wanna hit you up
and suck ya dick, while you sucking ya girls
i think about all the bullshit you put me through
i cant get over you if i dont continue to shit on you.

im not being mean..
or am i?
you dont think of me anymore
you dont think of US anymore.
your too caught up in you "LIVE" life
that you forgot about me..
forgot about US
forgot about the promises you made.
forgot about fixing yourself to come back to me...
you forgot about the goal ahead.

so what am i suppose to do now?
when i know that this time its real
i gotta do what it takes to get over you
& believe me im on it
i can & i will
be over you

Quote

“One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else"

slut

that's it!

im GO N E

CONGRATULATIONS YOU LOST A GOOD THING.

COUNT ME OUT
NEVER TO RETURN AGAIN

don't blame me because you lost sight of our goal

blame yourself for loving someone so demanding as me
someone as REAL as me
Blame yourself for falling in love with someone you wasn't ready for.

Because in the END of it all
i found LOVE && you destroyed it

LOST IT.

now its gone for good

ALL BECAUSE OF YOU

Rah Rah

Let me start off by saying that was the nastiest cal-zone EVERRRRR!

NOW FOLLOW ALONG ------->

bitter, rough
you know what they say...

you can't get through to them, beat it into them.

____Yes literally.

HARSH!
but true.

......so who's side are you gunna be on?
you gotta pick one!

scary truths reveal nothing but what's real.
EXACTLY
so what I am seeing, feeling ect.
This is all real.

"stuck in a place I know longer want to be"

_____Yes I just quoted myself.

Freedom is far.
Revenge is unheard of.
But in my mind I face a whole 'nother reality
The reality of what's coming to me
The reality I fear to see.

Open my eyes
& sharpen my ears.
_______Ready for the fuckry to come my way.
Neutralize my pallet
& relax my body.

Take myself to another world.
A calmer place.
Where I need not worry about this.
These things I'm so concerned with.

What will be will find it's way.
Right or wrong?

I'm trusting in GOD
Leaving things in his hands.
Because of right now.
I've given up
Given up on you
Given up on us
Given up on love.

Hate love

Love. Oh love.
Why do you fear me so?
You run & ride.

Why can't you see
That you & me were meant to be.
It's just something I'm made for.
I was made to be in love.

Without you I am lost.
Like a leaf drifting away on a pond.
I have no control over the situation.
Love? love...

Lead me home
Takes me away
I need it now
& I want it to stay.

Feeling heartless
As the days go by
My heart is dead
Its G O N E
Its no longer alive.

Love is my ultimate high
My secret crush.
The one I want to be with
Take me, why don't you.
Allow me to be free
& LOVE whomever I choose to.

Love loves me not.
I hate you love
How could you do me like that?

6. pics

5. pics

4. pics

3. pics

2. pics

pics

days like today

some days, like today
i feel like this:

I NEED MY BABY BACK
& I DON'T CARE WHAT IT COST

DEAR GOD
WHY AM I SO MISERABLE?
WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ME TO CARRY OUT DAILY ROUTINES
THAT IM ACCUSTOM TO FULLING EVERYDAY? DAYS LIKE TODAY
I DONT FEEL LIKE GETTING OUT OF BED, DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL
OR WORK. JUST DEPRESSED. CALLED YOU BUT YOU DIDNT PICK UP

SAID YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HERE, GUESS YOUR BUSY .
I PRAY FOR UNDERSTANDING
THE ABILITY TO LET GO
& FOR STRENGTH
ONLY GOD CAN GET ME THROUGH THIS.

-AMEN

twitter app

why do you let your girlfriend wear the hat i bought you for your birthday
#disrespect

why do you make me feel like we have a chance
#gullible

why don't you just ignore me
#lovemenot

why do you go harder when i go hard
#follower

why did you replace me
#why

i never put anyone in your spot
#notonce

though i tryed, i never allowed anything to happend
#sowhy

cant you just tell me
#why

i wish i could fight
#soicanfuckyouup

i want you out of my life
#bitchGO

let me answer your question
#NO

i dont think we can ever be together ever again
#youmesseditup

when you cheated on me
#withyourgirlfriend

so great job
#yourthebest

you reunied my masterpiece
#withyourFUCKRY

i hate you
#isweartoGODido

Page 229

"Burned" By: Ellen Hopkins
Page 229

"Some people never find love at all,
Pattyn. Count yourself blessed
if it ever happens your way."

Sometimes I wish I were the girls from the books I read
Falling in love with the perfect someone.
Perfect scenes as if they were hand selected out a movie.
Perfect kisses and perfect romantic lives.

Then I remember none of this is real
Therefore love doesn't exsist.

My explaination

They say God works in mysterious ways
They just don't say how mysterious those ways can be.

Cherish what you have.
Everything happens with a meaning behind it.

?

That's the meanest thing someone has ever said to me

I am Ready

Its a nasty feeling.
Something as nasty as the city sewage.
Awful as the smell of a rotten body never recovered.
A feeling so strange, you'd make your self sick.

The feeling of guilt.
Has caught up to me well.

I feel it lingering around me all day long
Ready to consume me
What have I done to deserve this now?

Account me guilty for
-Lying
-Cheating
-Deceiving

These things are not me; this is not who I want to be
I know I have the ability to be a good girlfriend
I know I can treat someone so well
I am ready to put my past behaviors behing me
& be the good girlfriend I know I can be.

Re-do

Halt!
Love isn't here anymore.
I feel it
No more
That feeling you once gave me

..Ill never feel it again;
From you atleast

Love lives. Elsewhere
Too cold to step out and go searching
So as I sit here & wait for it to come to me
I hope you realize that you've lost a great thing.

I've learned that you can't change a person
No matter how hard you try...
I've been trying for a while
& look where it landed me...
A slut will forever be a slut
Can't change her to a house wife.
(Not saying your a slut)
Just an example.

There's nothing left to do
But look for love in other places
I can't change what you've become
Thou not a day goes by
I wish we can undo
What we've done to eachother

Questionaire

Sometimes I

Imagine my self dead
Laid out on the floor
Stabbed up.

Never to return again
Because Ive sinned.

Who Am I

To deserve any of this
God has put here.
Why would he want someone
Like me here?

Who Sent Me

& why would they want me here
Im not doing any good
Maybe Im suppose to do bad
Maybe I don't have a purpose
Maybe my purpose is something
minor, maybe i'm just here
I'm just another life

When will this END

I am ready for this to be
over, I hate it here,
the air stinks, the people
suck, I wanna get away
Take me away from here

PLEASE!

Do you ever

Do you ever?

When your alone
Think of me

...As I think of you
All day long. for no apparent
reason, knowing you should be
the last thing on my mind.
feeling like im cheating
myself because your
not and im wasting
my time thinking
about someone
who doesnt
think
of
me

Do you ever?

Want to see me again
Like I do

Everyday wondering
what your doing
if i should hit you up
and meet up real quick
just to see you
because i miss you
then i think
i have to be strong
its the only way things might work

Do you ever?

Think you made a mistake
Wasting your time on me

Although our time has taught
us a lot in love
Do you sometimes feel as If you wasted
your time, with someone as self fish as me
Someone as mean as me?
Someone who loved you so much they wanted to hurt you
Do you sometimes regret the day you met me?
Our first kiss?
Our first fight?
Do you wish it was all a dream
So you can rewind your time
& give it to someone who actually deserved it.
I don't, but do you feel like that sometimes?

Life lessons

As I sit her and feel guilty


For the things
I've done to you
Its starting to make
Sense to me

I've learned that
you cant change
someoone, no matter
how much you love
them....


In order for them
to change, they must
realize it on there own
They must want to change
and then they will
for themselves not anyone else.

I have no choice but to let go
and i am truely tired
of trying to change
someone who is not
yet ready to change..

Title-less

So this must be the
first night I ever
shut my phone off

Thats how you know
im feeling extremely
bothered.

Stressed out.
My mind leaves
me in strange places
I swear it does

Why even think
If all the does is stress
things out.

Someone told me
I will loose my prettiness
over stress.
I laughed in his face.

How could be say something so dumb
but hmm it sounds so true.
That kid is dumb

how so...

just when i feel like im done, finished, through with you
i find myself wrapped in your arms again
not knowing how i got there
just enjoying the moment
happy that im there.

how is it that
i always find myself right back with you
im weak
and
i
know
it
im in love
& i know it..
what am i to do

i wont ever give up loving you
i just wont
i cant
its a personal choice
its just something i wont do

this will be an on-going battle
because im not backing down
im here
& i will fight this fight
until the end.

until im dead.
i will fight for you
until im dead.

one love story

he knows not of you
though sometimes i slip up and speak of you
he says whoo?
im like never mind
just someone i use to know

he goes oh, you loved him
i respond yes, i loved her.
my one true love.
but that has died.
& theres no hope of finding a love like that again

he claims hes never been in love
i believe him.
our emotional connection is beauty
ive got him right where i want him
in time i will devour him
like ive been
show him the true feelings of love

how committing love can get
how aggressive love can be
how empowering he will feel
yet how low love can be
ill stand by him
ride till the end
but once he says he loves me
im out, never comin back again

truth be told

i am bearly breathing
and i cant find the words
to
describe
how
horrible
i
feel
right
now

if only you knew
how much this break is bothering me
sometimes i feel like your done with me
your just trying to get over me
you cant and you wont
well atleast i hope so
i need you with everyday that goes by
you are my everything
you were everything i ever needed
now i can stand alone
but id rather stand with you
i shine brighter with you
i need you
i want you
to be here
to hold me
to love me
forever
like we promised eachother
so
long
ago

it feels so long ago
that ive seen you
spoken to you
held you in my arms
felt the warmth of your body against mine
feel your heart beat against my body
feel my finger tips on yours
i miss every second of it
& it just hurts my head
to think that your sharing any of it
with
someone
else.

it sucks.
i cry all the time
all day long
walking down the block
for no reason
or just because
i don't understand why things happen the way they do
life is so short
why be stressed out like this
all
i
want
is
you

my life wont be complete without you
ill wait a lifetime on you
i swear i would
im sure i can love another
i choose not too
i wont waste my time
because i know
it wont be the same
it wont be as great
and even though we treated eachother bad
your love was the best love i ever had
the only love i want
only love i need
only love ill give forever for
i love you

vertical horizon

shes everything i want
everything i need
everything i ever think about
all the time

its always something new
a new feeling all the time
now i feel as if im going crazy
i know im in love
and it hurts
i wanna break free of these feelings

you are the reason i dont sleep at night
im always thinking of you
i know you dont think of me as i do of you....
why is this so hard, i love you
i just wished you loved me
im ready to be everything you need.
i swear i am
we are suppose to be
i feel so weak
because i know in my heart
this is were i need to be
with you
you are my life.

ahh

....they say everything happens for a reason
there must be a reason behind all of this..
it just doesn't make sense.
i find myself so far down in my thoughts
i get caught up

i just dont know
im loosing it..

1 of many

I can't stop thinking about you
I don't know why.
It's not as if this is new.
Is just I keep thinking bad things.

Like what if something happens to you or me
& we're like this.
Not talking.
Not together.
Non exsistant.

I hate this so much
It's so hard for me to move on
I've tryed.
So many people want me.
And to be honest
I don't want not one of them.
I know what I want.
I won't allow myself to love someone else.
Love won't even look this way
Because of what we've done.
I feel disabled to an extent
I look like I'm okay
But deep down only I know the pain I feel
The same shit I feel
Till this day.

Not a day goes by I don't think of you.
This will never change.
This is the impact you had on me
Watched our videos yesterday
Bought me to tears
I wanna be back that way
I'll give anything for that feeling.
I swear I would.

Why even bother being here
If all I want is not ready to let me in
Running away is not right
Sticking around hurt is?
I dont know what to do
When all I so desire is you
You claim its not our time
We bout to end on some sick shit
Some sick love shit
Some Romeo and Juliet drinking poison
Typa shit.

Ugh

smaller
how do you manage to make me feel smaller
&
Smaller
Everytime

We do this all the time
I dont understand
Dont think I ever will.

I wish I could just disappear
Not having you
I dont even wanna be here.
Things aren't the same
This situation is misunderstanding
Forced to let go
Is one of the worst feelings in the world

No one will ever know
Not even you
The pain I feel
Of course this is real
I hate it
I hate feelings this way

Last night

I feel horrible...
Not because I'm hungover
But because I disappointed myself.
I disappointed my mother.
I lost control
I did it to myself.

She trusted me and I broke that trust.
I was suppose to be good
Why the fuck did I drink so much.
I got caught up in the hype...

Before I knew It I was throwing up
I hate when that happens, usually I feel better
After I get it all out but not this time.
I felt so dizzy, I just wanted to lay down
I didn't care that there was people in my house
I just had to lay down
Shit was moving to fast for me...

I went to my room and passed out on the floor
Around 3 o'clock my mom comes in my room looking for me
Cause niggas was playing the music to loud.
She woke me up
& Said, your okay, tell your friends to leave and go to bed.
I felt a little at eaze, but I knew you was mad.
I knew she knew I was done off.
& I know thats why she didnt ohdee on me.

After they left, the back room was filthy!
Gum on the carpet, spilled drinks everywhere.
Ashes on the table, I knew I couldn't clean it up then
That meant I had to wake up early and do it.

It was the best sleep of my life
I was knocked out!
Woke up at 9 to clean up
But didnt get off the bed till 10
My mom helped me clean up
& she said my friends cant come back again.
She told me she was disappointed in me
I should have never gotten so drunk in my own house
With "friends" around me

She knows my struggle with friends
She tells me all the time
Everyone is not your friend Petrill
Stop letting these people fool you

Friends around me ain't all friends.
They pretend to be and take advantage of me.
I realized last night this lifestyle aint for me.

I'd rather be laid up watching movies all weekend.
All this party, smoking, drinking...
That's it
It's dead to me
I'm checking into rehab
I gotta change me

RE: one sided

So I said since I analyzed it from my side, let me see if I can see this from your eyes.

This bitch came into the relationship cheating
She had a boyfriend and I was so into her
Ready to be with a woman
& experience this new side of myself;

I liked the bitch so much I let her treat me like shit
I stuck around cause I really felt something for her
Not knowing her heart was in other places.
She wanted to explore, be venturous.
But she didn't want to leave me.
She dragged me around for so long

Until I got tired of it
I couldn't control myself, I had to have it
So I cheated on her ! Not knowing she would find out
And when she did ----Sheeeeeshhhhh
I did the same shit back to you
Kind of childish but fuck it!
I felt better
You not knowing made things better
I had a secret.
1 to your many

Oh yeah this is your side
Let me stay on track....

Oh but not only did I cheat on her with a girl
I did it with a boy too & fucked around with COUNTLESS other people
From then we should took a break
To me thats where It shoulda eneded.
But we kept at it, kept going.

Finally started fucking you
Thought the fuckry would stop
Unexplained naked pictures
Phone calls to other people
Not being able to answer my questions
Not wanting to chill with me
Making up excuses....

I knew you was cheating on me
and i stayed.

The last time was the worst
I think thats what fucked me up the most.
How the fuck you cheated on me
AHHHHH lets not even speak on it

I was good to you even though we had our times
I was tooo fucking good to you
Wish I could go back
I'd beat ya ass eveyday
If I knew shit would turn out like this
Id cheat on you everyday for the pain you caused me

I was fucking while we was together, true I sent naked pictures to other people before I sent them to you, I still loved you, I know you loved me too when you cheated so why did we cheat? I was happy, totally happy with you until the fuckry started it didnt end, now look where we are, I can't do this no more, I wanna go back and do things right, I wanna love you right, I was just as wrong as you, allow me time to forgive you and be able to love you, I know I KNOW you were made for me, I know I was made for you. This heart this new heart beats from the blood that flowed in the old heart, that means this new heart is strong and pumps even harder for you, hates you even more but wants to love you more than even, if only you knew. I fucking love you.

One sided

Fuck that bitch! RAWWWWWWWW
Yeah Im on some disrespectful shit!!
Im about to go so hard, I bet you you'll cum
When I'm done wit ya ass, you'll never wanna see me again

---I'll hold the victim role
Yeah, Im that selffish, Now watch me slaughter you

For 2 year, 2 YEARSSSS
yeah you know...
You witnessed it.

You cheated on me, so I did it back
Lied to me, so I lied back
& Lied harder!
Cause I loved you more
A love so strong now look whats its done.

Broken for good, broken forever.
Maybe sometime again
Give me about 10 years
This is just that kind of love.
A love I wont forget
A lover I will never forgive
A feeling that wont leave me.
You will always be my first true love.

The fucking bitch who stole my heart
Broke it and ate it, Dont worry
Ill never forget you
You will always be the cheating, lying bitch I fell in love with

Fuck our relationship
& no I wont take that back
Im not trying to break you
Im just sick of it

Your suppose to be changing
Bitch your the same. You still do the same dumb ass shit!
You may question where all this hate is coming from, honestly I dont even know myself
Its cause maybe I thought we'd be back together but its not looking like it
Cause you continue to lie, you continue to keep in touch with me
You CONTINUE TO LEAD ME ON like im one of your bitchs or something
BITCH, im badder than you. FOULER THAN YOU
ILL BREAK YOU 10 TIMES HARDER
Ima strong bitch, step down for no bitch
Selffish yesssss you know it.
Ill keep at it

Maybe if you was more like me you'd understand
I don't hate you because your not with me
I hate you becasue of what I've done to you and Im too selffish to hate myself
Why not let it out on you
You was all I knew
It was so hard for me to get over you
But now that I have
I can go in on you all day longgggg
It's a hobby of mine
Roast Amber cause she broke my heart
Once, twice COUNTLESS TIMES.
And I always came back to your dirty ringworm ass

It was always something with you
Too many friends
People end up liking you
You tell me one thing
And end up doing the next
Talking bout you ain't with nothing
Not knowing YOU WAS WITH EVERYTHING

LETS GO CHEAT ON TRILLZ
Send me naked pics: bling bling bling
You like that shit
Fucking gay bitch
I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUU
Its not even a joke

It's just the way you are.
You wont ever change
Who am I to think you would change for me?
Why did I even think I mattered that much to you
Sheeshhh, Im tired now.

Im going crazy

& you wonder why I always shit on me
Why Im always so god damn mean to you
You started to make me feel bad so i eased up
But now im about to go hard!

Fuck you tell me shit for
Then turn around & do the opposite
Bitch you the same asshole I met
51507 I wish I could take that day back

How do you continue to hurt
We not even together!
Argue all day long as if we were
WHAT THE FUCK!
I just can't
I
Can't
Do
It
No
More!

Fuck! I WONT DO IT NO MORE
I deserve better!
Bitchs hitting me up talking about oh the say you
With some big black ugly bitch!
I dont give a fuck!
That just looks bad on me
Sorry you had to down grade like that
Sure she may dress a lil better than me
But fuck that bitch got on me?
I was ya wife
I know I have your heart!
I better have that shit forver
Cause when the time comes...
Ohhhhh When that time comess...

Im chew that shit up
& spit it in your face
The way you just did mine
Last night
You spit all in my face.
Fuckin dumb ass broad

& This is where the bipolar kicks in
I love you so much
You made me so mad
I had that you say one thing
and do the other
I hate that you havent changed
I hate that I know that you wont
I hate that I'll always love you no matter what
Knowing you wont change
I cant take this no more

Need fi rise up the bolt action
& dun it
I dont wanna be here no more.

Freewrite 11-3-09

Dont worry about me

Ill be fine

Just think of me

Think

Of

Me

Often

Think of me all day long

Like when your with her

& you should be with me

Think of me when you see random shit

like

-29

Think of me when you hear music

Think of me when Iris comes on

Think back at all the time

We

use

to be

HAPPY

All the times we made love

All the times you made me cry

All the times I was yours

& you were mine.

You still are mine!

Naw, I need to let go

Your no longer mine.

Someone else's.

I just hope you treat her like you treated me

& the next treat her worst than you treated me

Because I deserved the best

& your best that you've given me

Was straight up bullshit

Now that stink shit lingers in me

I wonder if you was good to me

Maybe I would be able to be good to someone else

Like now im stuck

I wont let you out

& no ones coming in

Im loosing a battle

Within myself

Who am I to judge

The feelings I've felt

Love is dumb

Love is stupid

I wanna be dumb & stupid

I wanna feel love

Enjoy love

Every aspect of love.

It's so beautiful

It's the truth

Back when we were in love

Honestly I dont know why this is so hard for me

It's been months now

& I can't get rid of you

Your everywhere I go

Everyone I talk to

I don't know son

Sometimes I just feel so dumb

Save yourself

Why do you bring someone you love down.
Tell them mean things when all you really wanna say is I love you.
Cover up my feelings with words
Bad words, act as if I dont care
But I do care...
It bothers me more than you know
..Think about you everyday
Wonder how your holding up
I know you can be strong
But I act as If I dont care
I dont want you to know..
That I still care
Sometimes I wish I didnt....
It hurts too much to.

Now we can go days without talking
I like it but i hate it
Im stronger now
I know you know it
You say it almost everytime we speak
"Your stronger now, you dont need me"
But sometimes I wanna go back to
Needing you everyday
Its safe to say I don't.
I only need you once a week
Thursdays to be specfic

Soon It'll be once every 2 weeks
Once a month
Once a year
Until I never need you
Ever
Again

Harsh? Naw
Truth to us of whats coming to us
We were suppose to be together.
Maybe we need to hit rock bottom forst
Hmm.. Almost forgot we've been there for so long
So where do we go?
Where do we go from here...

Tuffy

Stop cry'n

Tuff'n up!

Turn those sad songs off

What are you so upset over?

A girl?

Is this what this is about?

Her again...?

What did I tell you about stressing yourself over ANYONE!

You are too beautiful, too good to be cry'n over anyone..

Now wipe those tears

& tuff'n up

Look me in my eyes

& tell me you'll be strong

Like all those other times before

Just act as before

Things are not different

Do you know how many people deal with the things that you do?

Your no different

Your screw'd like all of `em

Yeah, I said It.

All the good guys like me
& they want their chance
That's not what I want though
I want a live hood nigga
That'll cuff me
& cheat on me

Yeah, I said It
I want what Im use to

RE: back burner

Remember back in back burner when I said I'd be fine without you
Well I lied
What can I say
I'm just like you..

A part of this heart still wants to be with you
A part of this heart is ready to forgive you
A part of this heart is ready to compromise
Make things right
To be with you.

No need to lie
I won't be fine
Without you in my life
Things just aren't right

My formation is off
My structure is fractured
My emotions challenge me
My body grieves you

Everyone knows it
It's clear to see
Even when I don't mention you
Everyone knows It's you I wish was with me

So far G O N E
Yet, I keep you so near
I need you in my life
Not as a memory
I need you here

To keep
Forever
&
Ever

In my heart
Is where you will always be
Friends or Lovers
Either one
I'll take

I've learned to accept
Sometimes things go wrong in life
I'm hoping you learn
& someday realize
That by the way that I feel
My love for you is real.
Different in a sense
What we have is far more than what I expect from anyone else.

As long as you are here
I will always be here
For you
No matter what
No matter who your with
No matter what decisions you make
I'm not saying I won't feel some type of way
But at the end of the day you need to know
That I will always be here

As much of a thug
I am
I want you to know
I am only soft for you

Amber, I still love you.

I see

...of the eyes of an eagle whose wings are white
Flight is a burden, this bird has no might
Sick to its stomach
Tired of this fight
Back & forth
Now & then
Bitch tell me what it is!
Now or never.

Fuck you
No! I love you
I'm sorry !
No the fuck I'm not.

You broke me
I am broken
I don't know where to go from here

Everyone wants me
Oh, "trillz your so pretty"
"I would love you to be my girl"
"Ill treat you so nice"
"Take you places
& buy you nice things"

Fuck all of that!
All I want is you
I wanna be treated bad

Here's your invitation to break my heart
I wanna get cheated on
I wanna be sad
I wanna fight all day long
I want things to go bad
I want all of these things
Give them to me now!

You are & always will be
That one bad thing
I wish I never had

back burner

2nd to none
I was suppose to be your number one.
Always & shoulda been
It's filthy how things happen!

I'm disgusted
Left with a dingy taste on my buds
Where did we go wrong?
Tell me where
So
I
Can
Fix
It

We always fixed it
Why was this time different
We could have fixed it
Patch it up like you did my "HATE"
Wrap it up like any other day.

We were suppose to stay close
I miss the times
All the times
Laying next to you
Wanting to be in you
(Not sexually)
No one else will understand this
But you

I would come so close to you
Watch you while you sleep
You hated it, but you loved it
Lol. I loved it.
To me you were too pretty not to look at when you sleep
I miss the kisses on the head
Telling me you love me just because
countless times a day -- "i love you petrill"
I miss it all.

i'm tired of writing
my body is dead shaking right now
just thinking about you makes me nervous
none of this matters now
because you threw me on the back burner
im boiling over, i need a stir.
something...
just let me know somehow
what im doing
what im waiting for
is what you want

if not;
ill go
bubble over
&
dry
up
be
bitter
&
sour
forever

But ill be fine.
with
or without
you.

I will be fine.

who killed Petrill ?

Death to me
Because of you
How could I..
HOW COULD I!
how could I?
Let you be the death of me

I allowed you to do it
I witnessed you do it
I kept coming back
Until
You
Finally
Did
It

Yes, you did it!
You did it to me
That last hit
That one blow
That one stab
That one rip
That one shot
That one last time
Was my one last time
Now
I'm
Out
Of
Time

RIP to me.

Because of you
I see things differently
You turned me into a new person
A person I have yet to understand
I do the weirdest things
The dumbest things*
The things you use to do.
I find myself doing them now
Feeling like you
Hiding things
Lying.

This is not me
I am not the person you met
Is this the girl you fell in love with?
You destroyed me
Slaughtered me
& left me there
For the wolves to consume

You shitted on me
Over
&
Over
Again
I did too
But the last time
You killed me
You might as well had drag my heart out of my chest
& ate it.
Because it is yours
I want you to keep it.
Clean it & keep it on your dresser
That one is yours

This one
This one that beats in me...
No longer beats for you
It's MY heart x3
& I won't allow you to have it
It is mine

The nicest day in October

It was a Thursday
Just like any other Thursday
We only see each other on Thursday's
So why not this Thursday?

I told you how I felt
I told you to come with me
You said you would
But I knew you wanted to be mad at me
You wanted to fight with me, didn't you?
& so you did..

Never was it an issue
For me to give you
Anything
You
Needed
That's what I'm her for, baby I got you.
This time was different...

You expect me to act as if everything is cool
Treat you like your girlfriend treats you
When your girlfriend is not me
That is not my title!
That is not my name!
That is not my crown, I refuse to pretend.

How is it so?
I act as if...
We are no longer together
& together is where we need to be..
Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way
Maybe I'm missunderstanding
You told me, you told me...
We were gunna be together
Yet you cuff up some chick
Who has you blinded
Blinded not by love, as I
But blinded by friends
Blinded by status
Blinded by being "cooool"
Woooo, your the uncoolest girl I know.

Why do you refuse to be with me
You are my soul
I pour out my mind & my soul
In these freewrites I write
All of them to you
All of them with meaning
All of them my favorite
Because all of them concern you.

The day you called me Trillz

I was so upset
I was too mad
I felt so strongly
I wanted to kill

Kill not you, kill not him
But kill myself
For all the painful things I've said.
All the things I've done
All the unjust things
How can someone so beautiful
Be stuffed with so much sin

Pain in my heart x3
This pain in my body
Pain on my conscience
This burden of truth

I turned to you
I wanted to talk with you
Confinde in you
Cause you are the only one
Who sort of understand me
But you called me trillz
You called me trillz
I was so mad
Why would you call me trillz

We are not friends
My friends call me trillz
You are my.... ex lover
You should have never called me trillz
It was always Petrill or even Babe
Baby, Bighead, ay0 ugly but never trillz

You knew I hated when you called me trillz
That's why I don't understand why you said it
It doesn't matter, because after you said it
The pain from inside, raised threw my skull
& poluted the outside

Anger consumed me
& caused me to do the next best thing
Besides to kill

Everyday is a battle
A battle within myself
I'm fighting for a love
A love that I'm not even sure
Wants me anymore

My love, loves me not
She loves her girlfriend
Girlfriend which I'm not
Loving is impossible for me
If I'm loving you not

Who am I

What about us?
What about love?
What about everything?

Remember the videos I made for you when you went to Cali the first time
I was so sad.
Everyday that went by...
I was just so sad.
Inside...
Outside...
On my face...
It was written everywhere.
To this day
I don't know how I got through
Without you.

Back then I was weak.
Needed to speak to you every night.
Now I can go weeks.
How could you
Forget me
&
Love someone else.
I love no one else.
A love like ours..
After that I promised myself
that I will never love again

Now im just a player.
Yeh, I said it
IMA PLAYA
I should come with a warning sticker.
I break hearts.
I tell lies
I misslead
I cause trouble.

I look good but I cause a lot of pain
To a lot of good people
Because of you.
You taught me indirectly how to be just like you
How to lie & manipulate people.
Now im just like you.

It's sad because as much as I try to keep away from you
The more I see myself actting just like you
The way you were with me.
I am with him & her and everyone else.
Ima playa remember?
Yeah that's all I am
A little 'ol playa

Sucidal Love

Hold you near
Near is where you need to be
Never let go
Me holding on is what seems to be..
Clearly a BIG issue
What is a girl to do?
When the one she's loved
For so so long
Has G O N E away
It feels so wrong
But I can deal
Every now & then
I feel like I need you
Break down inside
But cant show my weakness
Ima thug
Bitch you cant faze me
Thats what I think
Thats what I hope
I wish I was strong enough
Strong enough to get over you
Strong enough to kill you
Strong enough to change you
Strong enough to mind wash you
Strong enough to corrupt you
like
youve done
me.
Bless me
I
Just
Sneezed
Can't help but to think
About all the things
Me
&
You
Have been through

Countless nights spent
arguing
on
the
phone

Countless nights spent
crying
to
you
telling you how much i love you
&
wanna be with you

Countless tears
I
Wasted
on you.

Our love was too strong
Too strong for either one of us to handle
How did we get so...
STRONG
How do we love so strong?
So so strong, that we end up not together

Your love was the best love
The only love
The one true love
I
Ever
Knew.

The day will come
When I find love again
& that day,
oh that day
will be such a good day

Who you are.

Why won't you leave me..

Just

Leave

Me

Alone

Go somewhere far

& just

stay there

Up, in the rocks

Somewhere no one will find you

'Cause I don't want you here

Because your no longer beside me

Close your eyes..

So

You

Wont See

I don't want you to look at me

Im tired of your face

So

Just

Close

Your

Eyes

& go away

Tell me the truth!

You love me

SO MUCH

You love me so much

That's why were not together

Tell me a lie:

We won't not be together

We will stand

Together

Forever

Somehow

In this life..

Nothing is promised

So how can I believe you

Yet believe myself

Sh0w me

with you words..

show me with you love

show me with you touch

show me one last time

i havent given up

our love is never lost

the day we said goodbye

i knew this couldn't be the end

We are to be

Something great

51507

I was there before that bitch

Loved you like none other

None before

&

None to come

You are & always will be

my effin # one.

You

I shut my eyes & I try to block you out..
Every window I see I imagine myself jumping out..


Sometimes at night when I can't sleep
I sit in a corner and envision you & me
Back then & how I need us to be..

I don't wanna be just your ex girl
Or just the girl you really love
but your not with, thats not what I want.

I want you heart
I want your love
I want you whole
I want you good
I want you all
I want you soon
I want all of these things...

Im so tired....
Tired of chasing you
Tired of wanting you
Tired of thinking of you
Tired of hearing about you...

I wish I could erase you from my life...
I wish I was strong enough to move on
I wish it was possible to let go....
I wish you never dated after me...
....cause i couldn't..

Wish nor praying can change the damage thats been done
Love is gone & whats done is already done.
I miss you everyday, hate you even more with everyday
Need you more everyday, loose understanding everyday

I don't know where this is headed
Don't know if we will ever be...
Just wanna see the day again
When you loved me for me...

Dont you get it

She doesn't get it, she never will.

What I don't understand is what is there not to get.

I love you, you are my wife
Seeing you with someone else is one of the hardest thing i'd ever have to face
Reality can be so cruel
You can be so cold.

We're so different, yet we've too much the same
I cheated, you cheated but never once did I put anyone else above you
Or even allow them to smell your spot. That place is reserved, closed, Temporary out of order.

I couldn't see me without you, it's so hard
Being without you has turned me into a new person
Im all about me & God knows I miss you so bad.

Think about you every day, every hour, every minute, every second of everyday.
Too bad you have a girlfriend now, she's nothing like me...
How can you love someone else? HOW COULD YOU?

You say you don't get me, I don't get you.
Swallowed you whole
Your impossible to digest
Gasping for air, 1 finger down the canal

Look what you've done.
Turned me against myself
Inflicting pain on myself while our love welts away
Time did us wrong, we was suppose to be stronger.

No longer myself with someone else claims whats mine.
A love I tell myself I no longer need yet so desperately crave.
You are to me everything in this world I need you to be.
Too bad, like a cold salad i got pushed to the side. Never to appeal to you ever again
I'll forever be that cold salad always wanting you.

Fuck you
I love you

DV

I don't know whyy
My thoughts keep landing on you

-I know its not because I feel bad
Because we all know I am heartless

I really know why, just don't wanna say
I'm not ashamed to say just .....

I loved you from day one.
The first time we spoke I knew you understood me
From then you captured me & I saw something in you I have yet to see in anyone else...

Back then you had a girlfriend
Or so I remember...
She didn't like me because I spoke about you too often in class... it didn't matter to me though because you was the coolest boy to me back then.

Music is our thing!
If there's one thing I can talk to you about
It would be everything! You listen to me so attentively
I love the way you listen to me..

I just wished we could have spent more time
I wished back then I had the understanding that I do now, because now I'm curious & can't help to wonder..what could have been if I followed my feelings & let you further inside, what could have been if I let you journey my mind, leave you within my thoughts, play with my emotions & reconstruct my outlook. "We live in such a beautiful world"

Now it just seems like you are my thoughts
Can't get you out
What I crave so dearly I saw in you..

Just wanna let you know
I haven't forgotten about you
You are & always will be someone irreplaceable in my... mind...

Stronger

you are the worst thing in my life
NO!

YOU ARE THE WORST THING IN MY LIFE..


How is it that I love you so much yet i hate you so bad.
Never want to see you yet always want to be around you.
Loved who you were...when you was with me, hate you now forever
Cause you chose another broad over me...

How could that be?
I gave you my all
We said it to each other
You & Me, P & A
Together, loving each other forever.

I think we jynx'd it with forever
Who knew forever was our expiration date
Five, twenty nine, the day i said goodbye.

Too bad i went back to you
Hurt myself even more in the process
All I know is one thing is true

I am stronger today than the day I met you

Im so not over you

Eject myself from you
Its' so hard as if this is something new..

The words you fed me when we were in sync
can't be replaced,
can't be erased.

Sick to my stomach!
you make me so sick.
CAN'T YOU SEE? ..naw forget it, let me think;

-2 years down the sink
-time invested in that bitch
-countless nights my mind went to wonder

none the less loved you like none before
none to come cause you was my 1, damn girl...
you was my 1.

Acting as if I didn't know
cause I didn't want to know

Acting on my feelings only resulted to me being as ugly as you.
2 peas in a pot, I'm just as bold face as you
just as wrong as you,
just as human as you.

Judging you won't make me right
It don't even matter I already lost this fight...

Day to day I try to see
Can't even look at myself without seeing you in me.
Everywhere I go & everything I do,
I can't seem to get my mind off of you.

I try to lie to myself like nah this ain't true,
I don't know why this is so hard, I just can't get over you...

Love is G O N E

...blind to the sense that you & me;
could someday be something great...
you know? like those love stories we see on tv.

Mark my heart with forever
because you hold the key
..no matter what
ill always be around.

Faithful to your love,
we will have no boundaries,
straight to the sky
take my hand
we will fly.

Solid forever,together forever
A love I once thought would never leave my heart.
Forever is just a matter of time,
love is just a temporary phase in the mind.
Togetherness will someday amount to nothingness,
no such thing as faithfulness,
wreckless love making stems from within,
"give me your heart, I swear I won't break it"

stay with me forever!
your love is the love I will forever miss....

I swear I'm above this all.
Take my hand i'll help you make sense of this all.