Relativity new

SCRAPE ME CLEAN OF ALL IMPURITIES .

Thou shall no longer love you
Loving you is a SIN
A deadly sin
& it has taken me 2 years +
to realize that you are no good for me!

YOU ARE NOT GOOD FOR ME!

You have the ability to be something so GREAT
but if you can't realize that for yourself
than who am I to see it for you.

I wish I could say It is sad to see myself let you go
But it's not.
I am ready
& anxious
to explore this new side of me
the side whom no longer loves you.

Today is the last day I will blog about you
SPECIFICALLY

2010 YOUR OUT OF HERE
OUT OF MIND
OUT OF SIGHT
OUT OF ME

Love lives here
No more.

Purify me
Dismiss any of you from me
I am finally setting myself free from you

I blame myself too
Not for loving you
Because I don't regret it
I blame myself for getting so comfortable
& thinking you would do as you said
& "never do anything to hurt me"
BULLSHIT BITCH

YOU DID EVERYTHING TO HURT ME
& YOU SAY IT WAS NOT ON PURPOSE
BUT LOOK
LOOK
LOOK
what you've done

you probably still don't realize
2010 Needs to hurry up & come
so I can be off this
Im done.

New year

*SIGH*

As we approach the end of a year
& the beginning of another
I see this as the perfect chance to change.

Leave 2009 behind me
& all the drama
& people
Leave them all in 2009

Start off 2010 good
& strong
I think I can do it
but only time can tell.

So disrespectful

I think if she ever wanted to be with me again
she wouldn't be with the person she cheated on me with.

Is it me or is that some what disrespectful?

Just a blog?

Just a blog?

Just a blog?

These are NOT JUST BLOGS...

I express every ounce of emotion in my just blogs
& for you to refer to them as just blogs
made my heart sink.

Furthermore;
Some changes need to be made
Within myself.

1. Stop stressing over people who don't stress over me. (Yes, her)
2. Allow myself to let love in. I met the nicest boy, who likes me for who I am, I feel its real & I want to give him a fair chance, Im just afraid. I don't want to hurt him because I of all people knows what it feels like to be hurt.

The biggest one. Let go. Easy to say, yet nearly impossible to do.

Yup, just another blog... o_0

whoa

I just text you cause Im drunk
& I gotta secret, gotta update on you today
I know exactly how your life is going
I want better for you though
I wanna see you do good.

I will never truly be satisfied
FUCK YOU NOW
& FUCK YOU THEN
I DONT GIVE A FUCK
yes bitch this is the END
its OVER, OVERRR
i swear i hate you
i swear i do
all i wanna do is be with you.

you dumb bitch
why cant you see
i love you more than anyone
i wanna see you do good.
drinking, smoking?
thats you but thats not you
you know if you was with me
that woulda been cut
casue i care, i need you to live long for me
cause we wont see eachother for a long time
i love you i love you i love you
i told my boyfriend today that im still in love with my ex girlfriend
he said it be like that sometimes

nigga i be like this all the time
if only you knew
you dont have a chance
i will never love you
cause im in love with my ex
i will never trust you
i will never give you a good chance
because of my past
it is impossible for me to EVER love you,

im so sorry, it just be like that sometimes
baby boy............

Freewrite

I guess no relationship is perfect.
I heard you & your girlfriend having some drama.
Heard she fucking her ex mans again.

SMH. its wateva thou
you always knew how to make things better
so im sure you'll make it work.

im stuck in the single life.
not really tryna cuff nothing
although it seems like everyone wants me now.
boys girlss smh its too much to deal with

if only they knew the half of it
if only they knew the pain i deal with everyday
this bullshit needs to end.

some days i just wanna pull out the tings
& dun it

JC

haven't heard from you in months
shit its about to be a year.
I try reaching out to you any way I can
I ask my mom about you
I ask your mom about you
...whenever i see her.

I don't get how you don't miss me
like i miss you.
Heard your doing bad.
Messing up in school
Car accidents
Marijuana
Court & all types of wild shit.

Even though we haven't spoken in months
I want the best for you.
You was my brother & I was your sister.
We grew up together, I thought we was gunna
be around for each other forever.

Remember when we first met?
Lol i don't.
I remember when you tied me up against the pole
in the multipurpose area with a phone cord.
I remember playing gladiator in the library in the dark.
I remember the days you use to come over & we'd have so much fun.
You was my brother.

I don't know how we fell off.
My mom mentioned your name today
So many thoughts ran through my head.
Like why you hadn't been around
What if you was around
How would things be
All types of things...
But none of that matters because you don't think of me
like i think of you.

You will always be my little brother. x3

Christmas is almost here!

AHH im dumb excited for tomorrow and tonite
im feeling Christmasyy lol

Today was great so far!
I love my crazy ass family
Had to wake up early but we had fun
shopping, shopping and doing more shopping!

My father and I had a heart to heart
Made me realize a lot of things
That I just look past.
Life is short
Life is great
Experience it
& Learn from it.

*Whats meant to be will find its way
Until then you just missing out on an
AMAZINGGGG GIRLLL
yes thats me!!! =]
lol toodles

Fool

you shoulda never let no pussy get in between us
how foul was that?
we was destined to be something great
how is it that we ended up this way.

i don't want you reading my blogs anymore
cause then you'll know how i feel
this is just my way of getting things out
you know like an eternal scream.

im going well.
days like today when i wanna hit you up
and suck ya dick, while you sucking ya girls
i think about all the bullshit you put me through
i cant get over you if i dont continue to shit on you.

im not being mean..
or am i?
you dont think of me anymore
you dont think of US anymore.
your too caught up in you "LIVE" life
that you forgot about me..
forgot about US
forgot about the promises you made.
forgot about fixing yourself to come back to me...
you forgot about the goal ahead.

so what am i suppose to do now?
when i know that this time its real
i gotta do what it takes to get over you
& believe me im on it
i can & i will
be over you

Quote

“One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else"

slut

that's it!

im GO N E

CONGRATULATIONS YOU LOST A GOOD THING.

COUNT ME OUT
NEVER TO RETURN AGAIN

don't blame me because you lost sight of our goal

blame yourself for loving someone so demanding as me
someone as REAL as me
Blame yourself for falling in love with someone you wasn't ready for.

Because in the END of it all
i found LOVE && you destroyed it

LOST IT.

now its gone for good

ALL BECAUSE OF YOU

Rah Rah

Let me start off by saying that was the nastiest cal-zone EVERRRRR!

NOW FOLLOW ALONG ------->

bitter, rough
you know what they say...

you can't get through to them, beat it into them.

____Yes literally.

HARSH!
but true.

......so who's side are you gunna be on?
you gotta pick one!

scary truths reveal nothing but what's real.
EXACTLY
so what I am seeing, feeling ect.
This is all real.

"stuck in a place I know longer want to be"

_____Yes I just quoted myself.

Freedom is far.
Revenge is unheard of.
But in my mind I face a whole 'nother reality
The reality of what's coming to me
The reality I fear to see.

Open my eyes
& sharpen my ears.
_______Ready for the fuckry to come my way.
Neutralize my pallet
& relax my body.

Take myself to another world.
A calmer place.
Where I need not worry about this.
These things I'm so concerned with.

What will be will find it's way.
Right or wrong?

I'm trusting in GOD
Leaving things in his hands.
Because of right now.
I've given up
Given up on you
Given up on us
Given up on love.

Hate love

Love. Oh love.
Why do you fear me so?
You run & ride.

Why can't you see
That you & me were meant to be.
It's just something I'm made for.
I was made to be in love.

Without you I am lost.
Like a leaf drifting away on a pond.
I have no control over the situation.
Love? love...

Lead me home
Takes me away
I need it now
& I want it to stay.

Feeling heartless
As the days go by
My heart is dead
Its G O N E
Its no longer alive.

Love is my ultimate high
My secret crush.
The one I want to be with
Take me, why don't you.
Allow me to be free
& LOVE whomever I choose to.

Love loves me not.
I hate you love
How could you do me like that?

6. pics

5. pics

4. pics

3. pics

2. pics

pics

days like today

some days, like today
i feel like this:

I NEED MY BABY BACK
& I DON'T CARE WHAT IT COST

DEAR GOD
WHY AM I SO MISERABLE?
WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ME TO CARRY OUT DAILY ROUTINES
THAT IM ACCUSTOM TO FULLING EVERYDAY? DAYS LIKE TODAY
I DONT FEEL LIKE GETTING OUT OF BED, DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL
OR WORK. JUST DEPRESSED. CALLED YOU BUT YOU DIDNT PICK UP

SAID YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HERE, GUESS YOUR BUSY .
I PRAY FOR UNDERSTANDING
THE ABILITY TO LET GO
& FOR STRENGTH
ONLY GOD CAN GET ME THROUGH THIS.

-AMEN

twitter app

why do you let your girlfriend wear the hat i bought you for your birthday
#disrespect

why do you make me feel like we have a chance
#gullible

why don't you just ignore me
#lovemenot

why do you go harder when i go hard
#follower

why did you replace me
#why

i never put anyone in your spot
#notonce

though i tryed, i never allowed anything to happend
#sowhy

cant you just tell me
#why

i wish i could fight
#soicanfuckyouup

i want you out of my life
#bitchGO

let me answer your question
#NO

i dont think we can ever be together ever again
#youmesseditup

when you cheated on me
#withyourgirlfriend

so great job
#yourthebest

you reunied my masterpiece
#withyourFUCKRY

i hate you
#isweartoGODido

Page 229

"Burned" By: Ellen Hopkins
Page 229

"Some people never find love at all,
Pattyn. Count yourself blessed
if it ever happens your way."

Sometimes I wish I were the girls from the books I read
Falling in love with the perfect someone.
Perfect scenes as if they were hand selected out a movie.
Perfect kisses and perfect romantic lives.

Then I remember none of this is real
Therefore love doesn't exsist.

My explaination

They say God works in mysterious ways
They just don't say how mysterious those ways can be.

Cherish what you have.
Everything happens with a meaning behind it.