What have I done?

Can't stop thinking about what I've done

Although your not here

I still feel wrong.

Don't need to hear anything from you

Because I already know.

I don't know why I always have to learn the hard way

I should have listened

But because things weren't going my way

I took matters into my own hands

& I did something dumb.

I made a wrong decision...

I'm not asking you to forgive me

I'm not asking for a second chance..

I'm not asking for anything...

I just wanna apologize for wasting your time..

You deserve better than me

It took this though

For me to realize what I had

What I will never forgive myself for...

I'm sorry I'm such a screw up

Most of all I'm sorry I disrespected you

& hurt you

You gave me your trust

& I broke it

I'm sorry I'm so different

But just like the rest of them.....girls

I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen to you.

You don't have to come get me from work no more

Or call me trilla anymore

You don't have to hold my hand in public

Or throw me off you when we hear my mom coming.

You don't have to tell me stories till I go to sleep

Or tell me how much you miss me anymore

You don't have to come see me

Or explain anything to me...

Anymore

Because I fucked up

I know I was wrong

& I did it to myself.

I'm sorry I hurt you

But most of all I hurt myself

Because now I have to be without you...

This keeps playing in my head

"She didn't destroy you, she just helped you realize that you deserved someone better"

Paint-less color

I can paint a picture in my mind
A picture with absolutley no color
Yet a picture so divine
With beautify you've never seen.

Witness my art
My paintless art
My colorless art
Flaw full art

To some they see
Others may not understand
To you, you are
The art in which I paint
Each & every day

I see you everywhere
& the images in my mind
Are not black, white, or grey
But colorless art
Full of emotion & fear

I wish you could see
I wish you all could see
Art goes beyond colorful paint

You see my paint is clear
& I paint the beautifulest things
To me, because I see
To you.. maybe not

I want you all to see as I see
Art is beautiful
It can be anything
It can even be unseen
Like the arts that I paint
Everyday...

When I close my eyes & dream

You said I was EVERYTHING

Superficial feeelings
Bubble & boil
Like a hot pot
Im ready to bubble over

....There's something I need to let you know
Something I've been hiding for sometime now.

Im unsure of weather I want you to know
But latley...
Only latley
I've been feeling the urge
To just let go & let you know...

Put my pain into words
...Theres not even enough words
Or words worth them meaning to how powerless I feel.
A feeling no one loved should feel
But yet & still
I felt that feeling
Every second of everyday....

Somedays I amaze myself
With how strong I can be

&& somedays I disapoint myself
because I cant seem to get you out my mind
Somedays I try to forget you
While other days I know it is impossible to ever forget you...

I just don't understand how is it that we got to be this way
I wish so hard sometimes that things could be different.
I will never feel this way for anyone else
I know it
I dont need to search
I dont need to find any one
or anything...

Because there is nothing in this world
that completes me more than you do.

I think about it all day long
It's just something I know
This feeling is permenant

I wish you weren't such a lovely person
Maybe then I wouldn't love you this much
For this long...

I just feel like I'm wasting time.
Going around in circles
...endless circles

I've learned to not need you anymore
No doubt im more independant
But no one will ever understand
Not even you
Exactly how strongly I feel for you.

My one heart
Will always beat for you.

That's one thing I know wont ever change.
I love you.