Yeah, I said It.

All the good guys like me
& they want their chance
That's not what I want though
I want a live hood nigga
That'll cuff me
& cheat on me

Yeah, I said It
I want what Im use to

RE: back burner

Remember back in back burner when I said I'd be fine without you
Well I lied
What can I say
I'm just like you..

A part of this heart still wants to be with you
A part of this heart is ready to forgive you
A part of this heart is ready to compromise
Make things right
To be with you.

No need to lie
I won't be fine
Without you in my life
Things just aren't right

My formation is off
My structure is fractured
My emotions challenge me
My body grieves you

Everyone knows it
It's clear to see
Even when I don't mention you
Everyone knows It's you I wish was with me

So far G O N E
Yet, I keep you so near
I need you in my life
Not as a memory
I need you here

To keep
Forever
&
Ever

In my heart
Is where you will always be
Friends or Lovers
Either one
I'll take

I've learned to accept
Sometimes things go wrong in life
I'm hoping you learn
& someday realize
That by the way that I feel
My love for you is real.
Different in a sense
What we have is far more than what I expect from anyone else.

As long as you are here
I will always be here
For you
No matter what
No matter who your with
No matter what decisions you make
I'm not saying I won't feel some type of way
But at the end of the day you need to know
That I will always be here

As much of a thug
I am
I want you to know
I am only soft for you

Amber, I still love you.

I see

...of the eyes of an eagle whose wings are white
Flight is a burden, this bird has no might
Sick to its stomach
Tired of this fight
Back & forth
Now & then
Bitch tell me what it is!
Now or never.

Fuck you
No! I love you
I'm sorry !
No the fuck I'm not.

You broke me
I am broken
I don't know where to go from here

Everyone wants me
Oh, "trillz your so pretty"
"I would love you to be my girl"
"Ill treat you so nice"
"Take you places
& buy you nice things"

Fuck all of that!
All I want is you
I wanna be treated bad

Here's your invitation to break my heart
I wanna get cheated on
I wanna be sad
I wanna fight all day long
I want things to go bad
I want all of these things
Give them to me now!

You are & always will be
That one bad thing
I wish I never had

back burner

2nd to none
I was suppose to be your number one.
Always & shoulda been
It's filthy how things happen!

I'm disgusted
Left with a dingy taste on my buds
Where did we go wrong?
Tell me where
So
I
Can
Fix
It

We always fixed it
Why was this time different
We could have fixed it
Patch it up like you did my "HATE"
Wrap it up like any other day.

We were suppose to stay close
I miss the times
All the times
Laying next to you
Wanting to be in you
(Not sexually)
No one else will understand this
But you

I would come so close to you
Watch you while you sleep
You hated it, but you loved it
Lol. I loved it.
To me you were too pretty not to look at when you sleep
I miss the kisses on the head
Telling me you love me just because
countless times a day -- "i love you petrill"
I miss it all.

i'm tired of writing
my body is dead shaking right now
just thinking about you makes me nervous
none of this matters now
because you threw me on the back burner
im boiling over, i need a stir.
something...
just let me know somehow
what im doing
what im waiting for
is what you want

if not;
ill go
bubble over
&
dry
up
be
bitter
&
sour
forever

But ill be fine.
with
or without
you.

I will be fine.

who killed Petrill ?

Death to me
Because of you
How could I..
HOW COULD I!
how could I?
Let you be the death of me

I allowed you to do it
I witnessed you do it
I kept coming back
Until
You
Finally
Did
It

Yes, you did it!
You did it to me
That last hit
That one blow
That one stab
That one rip
That one shot
That one last time
Was my one last time
Now
I'm
Out
Of
Time

RIP to me.

Because of you
I see things differently
You turned me into a new person
A person I have yet to understand
I do the weirdest things
The dumbest things*
The things you use to do.
I find myself doing them now
Feeling like you
Hiding things
Lying.

This is not me
I am not the person you met
Is this the girl you fell in love with?
You destroyed me
Slaughtered me
& left me there
For the wolves to consume

You shitted on me
Over
&
Over
Again
I did too
But the last time
You killed me
You might as well had drag my heart out of my chest
& ate it.
Because it is yours
I want you to keep it.
Clean it & keep it on your dresser
That one is yours

This one
This one that beats in me...
No longer beats for you
It's MY heart x3
& I won't allow you to have it
It is mine

The nicest day in October

It was a Thursday
Just like any other Thursday
We only see each other on Thursday's
So why not this Thursday?

I told you how I felt
I told you to come with me
You said you would
But I knew you wanted to be mad at me
You wanted to fight with me, didn't you?
& so you did..

Never was it an issue
For me to give you
Anything
You
Needed
That's what I'm her for, baby I got you.
This time was different...

You expect me to act as if everything is cool
Treat you like your girlfriend treats you
When your girlfriend is not me
That is not my title!
That is not my name!
That is not my crown, I refuse to pretend.

How is it so?
I act as if...
We are no longer together
& together is where we need to be..
Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way
Maybe I'm missunderstanding
You told me, you told me...
We were gunna be together
Yet you cuff up some chick
Who has you blinded
Blinded not by love, as I
But blinded by friends
Blinded by status
Blinded by being "cooool"
Woooo, your the uncoolest girl I know.

Why do you refuse to be with me
You are my soul
I pour out my mind & my soul
In these freewrites I write
All of them to you
All of them with meaning
All of them my favorite
Because all of them concern you.

The day you called me Trillz

I was so upset
I was too mad
I felt so strongly
I wanted to kill

Kill not you, kill not him
But kill myself
For all the painful things I've said.
All the things I've done
All the unjust things
How can someone so beautiful
Be stuffed with so much sin

Pain in my heart x3
This pain in my body
Pain on my conscience
This burden of truth

I turned to you
I wanted to talk with you
Confinde in you
Cause you are the only one
Who sort of understand me
But you called me trillz
You called me trillz
I was so mad
Why would you call me trillz

We are not friends
My friends call me trillz
You are my.... ex lover
You should have never called me trillz
It was always Petrill or even Babe
Baby, Bighead, ay0 ugly but never trillz

You knew I hated when you called me trillz
That's why I don't understand why you said it
It doesn't matter, because after you said it
The pain from inside, raised threw my skull
& poluted the outside

Anger consumed me
& caused me to do the next best thing
Besides to kill

Everyday is a battle
A battle within myself
I'm fighting for a love
A love that I'm not even sure
Wants me anymore

My love, loves me not
She loves her girlfriend
Girlfriend which I'm not
Loving is impossible for me
If I'm loving you not

Who am I

What about us?
What about love?
What about everything?

Remember the videos I made for you when you went to Cali the first time
I was so sad.
Everyday that went by...
I was just so sad.
Inside...
Outside...
On my face...
It was written everywhere.
To this day
I don't know how I got through
Without you.

Back then I was weak.
Needed to speak to you every night.
Now I can go weeks.
How could you
Forget me
&
Love someone else.
I love no one else.
A love like ours..
After that I promised myself
that I will never love again

Now im just a player.
Yeh, I said it
IMA PLAYA
I should come with a warning sticker.
I break hearts.
I tell lies
I misslead
I cause trouble.

I look good but I cause a lot of pain
To a lot of good people
Because of you.
You taught me indirectly how to be just like you
How to lie & manipulate people.
Now im just like you.

It's sad because as much as I try to keep away from you
The more I see myself actting just like you
The way you were with me.
I am with him & her and everyone else.
Ima playa remember?
Yeah that's all I am
A little 'ol playa

Sucidal Love

Hold you near
Near is where you need to be
Never let go
Me holding on is what seems to be..
Clearly a BIG issue
What is a girl to do?
When the one she's loved
For so so long
Has G O N E away
It feels so wrong
But I can deal
Every now & then
I feel like I need you
Break down inside
But cant show my weakness
Ima thug
Bitch you cant faze me
Thats what I think
Thats what I hope
I wish I was strong enough
Strong enough to get over you
Strong enough to kill you
Strong enough to change you
Strong enough to mind wash you
Strong enough to corrupt you
like
youve done
me.
Bless me
I
Just
Sneezed
Can't help but to think
About all the things
Me
&
You
Have been through

Countless nights spent
arguing
on
the
phone

Countless nights spent
crying
to
you
telling you how much i love you
&
wanna be with you

Countless tears
I
Wasted
on you.

Our love was too strong
Too strong for either one of us to handle
How did we get so...
STRONG
How do we love so strong?
So so strong, that we end up not together

Your love was the best love
The only love
The one true love
I
Ever
Knew.

The day will come
When I find love again
& that day,
oh that day
will be such a good day

Who you are.

Why won't you leave me..

Just

Leave

Me

Alone

Go somewhere far

& just

stay there

Up, in the rocks

Somewhere no one will find you

'Cause I don't want you here

Because your no longer beside me

Close your eyes..

So

You

Wont See

I don't want you to look at me

Im tired of your face

So

Just

Close

Your

Eyes

& go away

Tell me the truth!

You love me

SO MUCH

You love me so much

That's why were not together

Tell me a lie:

We won't not be together

We will stand

Together

Forever

Somehow

In this life..

Nothing is promised

So how can I believe you

Yet believe myself

Sh0w me

with you words..

show me with you love

show me with you touch

show me one last time

i havent given up

our love is never lost

the day we said goodbye

i knew this couldn't be the end

We are to be

Something great

51507

I was there before that bitch

Loved you like none other

None before

&

None to come

You are & always will be

my effin # one.

You

I shut my eyes & I try to block you out..
Every window I see I imagine myself jumping out..


Sometimes at night when I can't sleep
I sit in a corner and envision you & me
Back then & how I need us to be..

I don't wanna be just your ex girl
Or just the girl you really love
but your not with, thats not what I want.

I want you heart
I want your love
I want you whole
I want you good
I want you all
I want you soon
I want all of these things...

Im so tired....
Tired of chasing you
Tired of wanting you
Tired of thinking of you
Tired of hearing about you...

I wish I could erase you from my life...
I wish I was strong enough to move on
I wish it was possible to let go....
I wish you never dated after me...
....cause i couldn't..

Wish nor praying can change the damage thats been done
Love is gone & whats done is already done.
I miss you everyday, hate you even more with everyday
Need you more everyday, loose understanding everyday

I don't know where this is headed
Don't know if we will ever be...
Just wanna see the day again
When you loved me for me...

Dont you get it

She doesn't get it, she never will.

What I don't understand is what is there not to get.

I love you, you are my wife
Seeing you with someone else is one of the hardest thing i'd ever have to face
Reality can be so cruel
You can be so cold.

We're so different, yet we've too much the same
I cheated, you cheated but never once did I put anyone else above you
Or even allow them to smell your spot. That place is reserved, closed, Temporary out of order.

I couldn't see me without you, it's so hard
Being without you has turned me into a new person
Im all about me & God knows I miss you so bad.

Think about you every day, every hour, every minute, every second of everyday.
Too bad you have a girlfriend now, she's nothing like me...
How can you love someone else? HOW COULD YOU?

You say you don't get me, I don't get you.
Swallowed you whole
Your impossible to digest
Gasping for air, 1 finger down the canal

Look what you've done.
Turned me against myself
Inflicting pain on myself while our love welts away
Time did us wrong, we was suppose to be stronger.

No longer myself with someone else claims whats mine.
A love I tell myself I no longer need yet so desperately crave.
You are to me everything in this world I need you to be.
Too bad, like a cold salad i got pushed to the side. Never to appeal to you ever again
I'll forever be that cold salad always wanting you.

Fuck you
I love you

DV

I don't know whyy
My thoughts keep landing on you

-I know its not because I feel bad
Because we all know I am heartless

I really know why, just don't wanna say
I'm not ashamed to say just .....

I loved you from day one.
The first time we spoke I knew you understood me
From then you captured me & I saw something in you I have yet to see in anyone else...

Back then you had a girlfriend
Or so I remember...
She didn't like me because I spoke about you too often in class... it didn't matter to me though because you was the coolest boy to me back then.

Music is our thing!
If there's one thing I can talk to you about
It would be everything! You listen to me so attentively
I love the way you listen to me..

I just wished we could have spent more time
I wished back then I had the understanding that I do now, because now I'm curious & can't help to wonder..what could have been if I followed my feelings & let you further inside, what could have been if I let you journey my mind, leave you within my thoughts, play with my emotions & reconstruct my outlook. "We live in such a beautiful world"

Now it just seems like you are my thoughts
Can't get you out
What I crave so dearly I saw in you..

Just wanna let you know
I haven't forgotten about you
You are & always will be someone irreplaceable in my... mind...

Stronger

you are the worst thing in my life
NO!

YOU ARE THE WORST THING IN MY LIFE..


How is it that I love you so much yet i hate you so bad.
Never want to see you yet always want to be around you.
Loved who you were...when you was with me, hate you now forever
Cause you chose another broad over me...

How could that be?
I gave you my all
We said it to each other
You & Me, P & A
Together, loving each other forever.

I think we jynx'd it with forever
Who knew forever was our expiration date
Five, twenty nine, the day i said goodbye.

Too bad i went back to you
Hurt myself even more in the process
All I know is one thing is true

I am stronger today than the day I met you

Im so not over you

Eject myself from you
Its' so hard as if this is something new..

The words you fed me when we were in sync
can't be replaced,
can't be erased.

Sick to my stomach!
you make me so sick.
CAN'T YOU SEE? ..naw forget it, let me think;

-2 years down the sink
-time invested in that bitch
-countless nights my mind went to wonder

none the less loved you like none before
none to come cause you was my 1, damn girl...
you was my 1.

Acting as if I didn't know
cause I didn't want to know

Acting on my feelings only resulted to me being as ugly as you.
2 peas in a pot, I'm just as bold face as you
just as wrong as you,
just as human as you.

Judging you won't make me right
It don't even matter I already lost this fight...

Day to day I try to see
Can't even look at myself without seeing you in me.
Everywhere I go & everything I do,
I can't seem to get my mind off of you.

I try to lie to myself like nah this ain't true,
I don't know why this is so hard, I just can't get over you...

Love is G O N E

...blind to the sense that you & me;
could someday be something great...
you know? like those love stories we see on tv.

Mark my heart with forever
because you hold the key
..no matter what
ill always be around.

Faithful to your love,
we will have no boundaries,
straight to the sky
take my hand
we will fly.

Solid forever,together forever
A love I once thought would never leave my heart.
Forever is just a matter of time,
love is just a temporary phase in the mind.
Togetherness will someday amount to nothingness,
no such thing as faithfulness,
wreckless love making stems from within,
"give me your heart, I swear I won't break it"

stay with me forever!
your love is the love I will forever miss....

I swear I'm above this all.
Take my hand i'll help you make sense of this all.